MARRIAGE : MORE TO LIVE FOR
Marriage : More to Live for
By Shayma Alshakshir
At a time when some people place themselves in the "busy" category just because they work and study at the same time, others take life head on
How many responsibilities can a person take at a time? Marriage? Studies? Work? Or children? Hmmm, how about all at once? Yes, all of these! It is probably hard for most; for some, it is just possible.
From the heart of Australia, here are the personal experiences of a few of the many young married couples.
Semsudin (30) and Selma (28)Bosnian-Australian
I believe that understanding what marriage means is crucial for both partners before marriage. The wife has her role and responsibilities, and so does the husband. When both partners understand their own roles within the marriage, there is less room for miscommunication.
The life experience of a young couple is limited. If they "think" they know everything in life, then they are wrong. There is a lot of learning and adapting to be done, especially when the child arrives.
For a marriage to work out, the married must work on it. Young couples can often be selfish (for many different reasons). Being selfish is OK, only if your wish is to be married to yourself!
Unfortunately, many young people have a deluded view of marriage. The new wife usually visualizes herself as a princess married to her prince, and when couples spend tens of thousands of dollars on the fairytale wedding, they expect their everyday life to be the same.
On the other side, her husband thinks he is the master of his domain and deserves to be treated like a king. When two people with such opposing views marry each other, what good can possibly be expected? Marriage is the fulfilment of half of one's deen (Islamic religion). It is a sacred union between a husband and a wife and should be taken very seriously. It is crucial that both parties be realistic.
I have to say that my experience was not free of difficulties. I established a routine with my children and studied while they slept. My husband was extremely supportive; he would often type out my handwritten essays, some of which exceeded 10 pages. Without having such an understanding spouse, I would not have been able to achieve as much.
I hope that young couples wishing to marry understand their responsibilities toward each other, respect and care for each other, for Allah's sake, and raise their future children according to the teachings of Islam.
A husband or wife also ought to respect his or her spouse's family, as this will certainly strengthen the marriage. Every spouse should also think before acting, by asking him- or herself "Will my actions be beneficial for my marriage? Or will they harm it?"
One more advice to newly married couples is to forget the expensive wedding that lasted only one day and to start saving money for something that will last longer and be of more benefit.
The imam who presided over me and my husband's marriage said that we should have affection and mercy between us because love sometimes fades away, but if marriage partners are merciful to each other, that will bind them together.
Ali (25) and Sarah (20)Jordanian-Australian
My parents were supportive and were willing to provide me with whatever marriage requires, as I was just a student then. Now, my wife and I enjoy the company of 3 children al-hamdu lillah.
As soon as I got married, my wife and I started reading lots and lots of books about raising children in Islam and the many mechanisms one should use when doing so. The good thing about these books is that they are very practical in guiding parents step by step, and this certainly brings satisfying outcomes — especially that this guiding is according to the teachings of Islam.
Getting married young awards the person the adequate space to mature and learn to deal with daily struggles. There may be some problems, but that can be considered an advantage because such problems will be less likely to occur as marriage partners grow older.
For those young people who would like to get married, it is important not to hesitate in informing parents. Surely parents will be more than glad to help accomplish the half of deen.
Abdul (29) and Maryam (20)Palestinian-Australian
Not many young people grasp the real image of marriage, and I could say I was one of them. There are many tasks that need to be carried out on a day-to-day basis, and I always need to be on my feet to try to balance all responsibilities at once.
Young people who get married not knowing the real meaning of marriage expect lots of unrealistic and naive images to take place in real life, such as those shown on TV. As a result, they don't end up feeling content.
The first few months of my marriage gave me great lessons of life, and more lessons were being learned after the birth of my first child. The two-member team became a group of three, and therefore more future planning had to be done.
One of the many lessons I had to learn through the early stage of my marriage was that marriage is not about who wins the battle or who proves the other wrong. It is also important to always think of the percussions of wrong actions or words one might do or say.
I keep reminding myself with the saying "look after his kids, his house, and his money, and he will definitely appreciate you."
When you are upset, do not run to your family, run to him or her. It's then that the problem is solved. Family, at times, makes the problem bigger than what it really is.
Those who are looking to get married at a young age should try their best to make their parents part of the decision on the right spouse, as parents are the finest mentors. It is pretty hard to get to know a person from the first meeting, but asking specific questions will help gather a bit on the sort of personal traits he or she possesses.
It is also important to put in mind that one does not get married to only him or her, but rather to this person's whole family. So, making sure that there is a good family background would certainly help marriage go forward.
I think that if things went well during the first six months, then the marriage would probably work out, in sha' Allah.
Shayma Alshakshir is studying professional writing and editing at Victoria University of Technology (VUT). She is involved with the VUT's student magazine and with voluntary community work including youth and tajweed classes. She can be reached at: youth_campaign@iolteam.com
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